I am a member of ToastmastersInternational, a worldwide collection of small clubs where people learn public
speaking. When all the clubs in the area send contestants to a contest, sometimes I go watch.
I try not to feel dumb or vulnerable whenever I attend a toastmasters contest, in some strange building, among big grownups, among rich
impressive strangers. I can only try… while maybe I am late or had been lost or
am having a bad hair day or have mustard on my always-knotted tie…
Recently I arrived early. In the
forum outside the contest room I did some happy stressful socializing with
strangers, then I escaped to sit inside, amidst rows of folding chairs, waiting
for the events to start. There I was, silently enjoying the ambience, like
being in a youthful nightclub that’s too boringly loud to talk, yet still
enjoyable—at least for others. I thought I could at least pretend to enjoy the
ambiance. I was joined by two ladies from my club. We talked a little bit, as
we patiently waited for the start of the events. But abruptly the ambience was
broken: Suddenly they began speaking to each other in a foreign language. They
talked and talked.
It was, once again, the cold story
of my life: being alone, with no one I can count on.
At first I was sitting with my leg
crossed towards the lady beside me. Feeling lonely and betrayed, I re-crossed
my legs, away this time, and even slightly angled my body away, and glanced at
the contest program again. My heart pulled away from the evening; I pulled out
my pen and started jotting notes on the program, planning my next speech.
Making notes for the future felt productive: Not like merely sitting as a hard
lump in the no-longer-nice ambience.
…Because I try to think positive, I
am hoping that for the next contest I will have enough courage to sit beside
them again.
Sean Crawford
Calgary Canada
Stressful socializing? Take a chance and be yourself. Pull out the funny card. A good ice-breaker might be that roses are red/bacon poem that I posted? Ha ha......
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How was the next contest?
On an average day I am not vulnerable and I socialize just fine, as myself. The next contest was fine.
ReplyDeleteAt work I have learned to solve problems, not let them continue. Well, one of the ladies acted excluding again at a home meeting so I said, as we milled around after the meeting, "We need to talk as soon as your husband can join us." That was so he could be supportive of her. Then I said that a foreign language is OK out in the dark (where I expect to be cold and lonely) but inside under the warm (friendly) light, if Madam X speaks to you in your other language please reply to her in English so she doesn't hook you into a long conversation." It's been good so far.
At our home contests I am often asked to be the chief judge, so that is a nice honour.
Speaking of socializing and life in general, in Alan Alda's second best seller, (I forget the title, I gave it to a hospital charity store last week) he said that as a typical actor he naturally wanted to focus on being the center of attention, but he has learned that focus on being helpful is better, and you still get attention. I have learned that too.
"Focus on being helpful" - well said Alan Alda and good point Sean Crawford.
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