essaysbysean.blogspot.com
Once in a while I suddenly remember
some past naïve belief of mine, and then I wince, shake my head, and say: I
guess we all retain a few strange beliefs for a while, like how a box of dry
food bits retains some bigger pieces, or a few big trophy deer survive
longer—it happens. Naïve beliefs are nothing to feel badly about.
I used to have strange beliefs
around “effort,” just like that innocent horse, in the “children’s” novel Animal Farm, by George “Nineteen Eightyfour” Orwell, an
obliging horse who would keep trying to work harder: past 100 percent effort,
to 105, 110 and so forth. Today I feel contempt if a company spokesman proudly announces
such mathematically impossible demands. Orwell’s poor horse kept agreeing to
“do more with less.” Then I think, one day, he dropped dead in his harness.
Whenever I read that phrase, “more
with less” in the newspaper I feel frustration and despair. Don’t people “get
it”? The cold equations are clear: In global terms, we will never be as competitive
as we were in the post-war years, before the sudden “mysterious” 1970’s
inflation, an inflation that has since moderated but which, due to vested government
interests, is never going to go away. Society will always have less… It logically follows that to say we can “do more,”
or even do “the same,” is to say our parents and people of the Nineteen
seventies were idiots. Not so. They liked maximum profits as much as we do, they
were already doing about as well as they could.
It’s queer: If I had the strange
belief that I should “try hard,” I also had the belief that I should be like a
machine, trying equally hard every hour. In fact, I thought, if only I
had enough willpower, I wouldn’t really need any time for recreation, I mean,
don’t winners like Horatio Alger and Benjamin Franklin work hard long hours? Right
up until bedtime? Perhaps it was to counter society’s lingering Puritanical
beliefs, lingering past the Great Depression, that suddenly in the 1970’s
biorhythm charts became popular. There were charts in the newspaper, right next
to the horoscope.
Speaking of “lingering past the
Great Depression,” here’s my pet peeve: Today’s generation has forgotten the
Depression my poor parents lived through; I get irritated every time I read about some critic of architecture disparaging the “new exciting” buildings of my
youth, a style they now call “brutalism.” Every city has a few of those modern
concrete—not brick—blocky buildings. Well, in my day, some new buildings were,
as they would say in today’s advertising, “Modern yet sensible.” “Daring, yet
not costly.” “Economical yet space age.” We didn’t dare make the buildings
anymore space age than they were, it just wouldn’t feel right: like putting wasteful amounts of food on the table, or like
clothing fabric in China being wasted on collars and cuffs and ankles. — Somebody
cried once from viewing my painting by Stephen Lowe of a young Chinese woman walking
into the wind wearing patched clothes. —The foolish young critics who disparage
brutalism should consider the times, as in “the temporal context.”
As for trying hard, even soldiers,
playing for very high stakes, can’t be equally effective at all times. They
have a rhythm to their days, their weeks and their “training year.” Napoleon, I
dimly recall, said his soldiers would not be any good for fighting at two o’clock
in the morning. He’s right; I know that now. So let me be gentle on myself for
being human. It’s OK to “waste money” on oil paintings, on pastries, to have our
highs and lows, and never mind going around with a strained “life is real, life
is earnest” look… unless you’re a big bit in a cereal box. … …And then life
will break you small, soon enough.
As I trudge through life, older and
tired, with my strangest beliefs having fallen by the roadside, I carry two
sane thoughts: One is “Don’t worry, be gentle.”
Another is “Unhappily, I think we
compare ourselves to what we are like at our best, forgetting we are usually
not at our best.”
Sean Crawford
Calgary
September
2014
Footnotes:
~I first saw my painting in
Victoria, on rice paper. How awed I was, decades later, to see it displayed in
Calgary. I snapped it up, as a limited edition print. It’s called Wind Blows
Ten Thousand Strands. (Of hair)
~Regarding office politics, I was
told the problem with always working your maximum is you would have nothing
left in reserve for doing “horse trades.”
~Regarding idealism, my for-profit
agency, by trying real hard, keeps the administration costs down to seven
percent, like the War Amps do, to free up more money for paying the staff. This
when the industry standard is twenty percent. Comically, this flummoxed the
government when it came time to give province-wide raises, as the civil
servants initially underestimated the amount of new pay our agency needed; tragically,
this meant our agency shot itself in the foot, because: when the government
announced across-the-board cuts of one percent? We had no fat to chop: We
started shaving calcium off our bones.
~Note to my brother-in-law, a
hunter: OK, maybe the survival of a trophy deer is not coincidence, but I was
stuck for examples; I didn’t want to leave an innocent cereal box standing out
there all alone.
~I’m amused by a story out of Vietnam. The U.S. army was using dogs for sentries, patrolling and tracking, but there weren’t enough of them. At a meeting of officers, a general sternly suggested using the animals for longer hours. A worried young lieutenant burst out, “Oh, no sir! You can work a man like a dog, but you can’t work a dog like a man!”