www.essaysbysean.blogspot.com
I remember me...I recall with fondness and goodwill the "me" that was alone at my kitchen table one Friday night. A single mother friend phoned. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Writing in my journal" I replied.
"What about?"
"Positive affirmations."
Then she asked, "What exactly are you writing?" And I told her.
My throat wasn't dry. My chest wasn't tight and puffy with fear. I didn't feel dumb or unworthy or a charlatan. My affirmations fit me like bark fits a tree; the words felt true, they were me. Somehow, in writing out those words for so many days, I had wrought a miracle, a miracle I had hoped for, but hadn't really expected.
"Life," my friend said "is full of surprises."
Sean Crawford,
at my kitchen computer, winter 2008
Footnote:
Besides my sole post of 2009, you might like the Gratitude one from July of 2010
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This was the very first post that I read of yours......many moons ago. One day at work, I walked into the staffroom where one of my colleagues was giving himself "positive affirmations" out loud. I tiptoed, grabbed my mail and quietly slipped out of the room. You know what? I was impressed with his confidence. Good for him.
ReplyDeleteYes, good for him. The proof that it works is how we resist trying it, not even as a short experiment. It's as if we have a subconscious death wish, or what they call in War of Art, "Resistance" (capital R)
ReplyDelete—a life changing book for me, by the way—
This affirmations piece was, I think, the very first piece I published in any newsletter, (a local community self-help one) and not my usual student newspaper. I enjoyed trying to make it sing by balancing the sentences. I don't normally do that.
Many years ago, sometimes I would write "essays to my editor" in the student letters section. I stopped when the students changed the paper's constitution to allow columns—too many self indulgent students preferred to write a column at one sitting rather than research a news story (or essay) and so there was no room for me, neither in the letters nor in the column space.
At the women's centre they eagerly offered to let me put my essays on the wall but I was too shy.
I didn't start composing regularly until years later when I got help to make a web site. Later Little Rivkah, a blogger I follow, suggested I could reach more people if I used a blog server, so now I do.
Who's the author of "Resistance"?
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in university, one of my profs designed a project where we had to write a "letter to the editor" for our local newspaper (based on a topic that we were studying). If our letter was published, then we would receive a bonus of 5%. The writing was an invaluable experience and my mark got higher. Win and win!
The author is Steven Pressfield. I haven't read any of his novels; one of them became the movie The Legend of Bagger Vance.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read his nonfiction, except for The War of Art: I took to it my Toastmasters retreat (we are a new age group) to show people.
I like his blog site, I am going through it one month (from various years) at a time. I've done every July, June and I'm on the last month of May, for 2014.
My best friend, who was openly gay, said, "To be gay and in the closet is to be in a constant low grade depression, and not even know it." I think it can be the same if I let resistance keep me from doing my art, which is writing.
My first letter published in the local daily Herald was one for gay rights. I kept a copy but I don't where it is.
I think that I might need to visit a Chapters sometime soon to purchase "The War of Art". I was reading the reviews online and I'm intrigued.
ReplyDeleteSometime, you should create a "top 10" list of your all-time favourite books.
Did you just catch that gorgeous sunrise? Beautiful.
Have an amazing week! Cheers!
I was up in the dark, and I usually drive to lake Chestermere to take in the sunrise while I write, but today I was doing avoidance activity and so I missed everything.
ReplyDeleteSo I am trying to be gentle on myself today because when I feel pressure to do extra I only do normal because the pressure slows me down.
Like Kipling's soldiers behind a hill with only stray rounds having to move out to fight...
"So like a man in irons,
who doesn't want to go,
they move them off by companies,
uncommon stiff and slow."
As for books, I love other people's lists, but then I never get around to reading anything from the list, so maybe I better just mention one or two books at a time.
…and maybe I have then more reason to go through more bags of books. I'm not supposed to buy anymore until I read some of the ones I've got.
My big problem is decluttering books. Yes, I know it's irrational. I avoid decluttering and it drives me mad.
ReplyDeleteSay, I hope you don't mind that I claimed to be attracted to Jane Austen in her big floor length dress. I wanted to shake up males who had been conditioned to be attracted to six foot German blondes, even if said blondes were wearing Nazi arm bands. I think we should question our conditioning.
I recently read a book called "Adventures in Solitutude by Grant Lawrence". Hilarious! Very, very funny.
Delete6 feet? German? Blondes? In Calgary?? Ha ha! I'm in one of these categories. Hint......
"-----" have more fun. Have a good one!
Thank you for sharing a book you liked. The reviews look good. Maybe I will read it when I am on vacation back west. My next trip to the ocean will be in January, as I have used up all my holidays for this year.
ReplyDeleteThat will be the perfect spot to read the book! I highly recommend it. You'll get a good laugh.
DeleteYou'll be more emmersed in the story hearing the waves, smelling the ocean and seeing the blue.
Immersed.........
Delete(I haven't had my cup of coffee yet)
I can't seem to comment on your newest post. :-(
ReplyDeleteIt worked Ok for me, but then again I'm the administrator. I didn't have to type in any letters, to prove I'm not a robot, which I thought my blog required.
ReplyDelete