essaysbysean.blogspot.com
I think I was always able to love... in my uptight real man way. Perhaps you know what it's like to try to dance without being too graceful, or to try to be affectionate without showing too much natural feeling. (It's easier to banter and put someone down.) It takes a lot of energy to be uptight; it took a lot of love to get me free.
I met a woman who was genuine. By her love I blossomed and grew staight towards the sun as God intended. In a zillion ways she showed me how to love. (Guys take note: when your lover touches you or suddenly snuggles with you, it does not always mean you have to rush to "do it." Ask her yourself.)
Can you believe in a woman who will say the L-word to more than one person under heaven? One who will say "I love you" without premarital sex? How I rejoiced in her fun and laughter. I like to imagine her skipping down the ramp at church, or leading the Sunday school kids in a lively game.
But it will never be.
One day, scared and trembling, my friend who loved me said she was gay... gay! She waited for my response, pale, breathless, all her color and sparkle gone, and I felt in my heart a mighty anger. I wanted to bellow, "Who did this to you?" My friend looked like she had seen a specter. That specter was society. "Who hurt you so badly?"
How could anyone ever tell you that you were anything less than beautiful?
We held each other tightly and the sun came out again. But now there was a small cloud, and there always would be. Somewhere out there are people who hate my friend.
How dare they?
Sean Crawford
in a bible belt city,
north of enemy territory,
Summer 2013.24
Posts
I remember being in grade 1, 2 and 3 and having a BIG crush on “Ryan Ritchie”. He was the love of my life! During story time, I would give him back tickles and we were best buds.
ReplyDeleteI always wanted him to reciprocate my affection. Hold my hand; kiss me on the cheek……something! Thanks to social media, I reconnected with him and he sent me a very sweet email. He emailed me to tell me that he always felt safe and accepted with my friendship and that he was gay. It all made sense! He’s happy and he’s an awesome person and whoever is with him is one lucky duck.
I started out as anti-gay as any ordinary person in our society—as indeed young gays are (or were). In this age of information one has to willfully refuse to learn if one is to remain anti-gay.
ReplyDeleteI have read only two theories for the hatred: One is that the haters fear to be gay themselves, the other is that they are scapegoating.
If you remember that religion is based on faith and free will, and that being a fundamentalist replaces faith with certainty, then the fundamentalist feeling of being trapped, since one is certainly in danger of hell, rendering free will irrelevant, means dealing with the stress of being trapped by scapegoating.
I would hope there would be more theories, after all these years, but I have only read the two.
Interesting theory.
DeleteFor me, I’ve never had any negative thoughts towards the gay or lesbian lifestyle. Whatever makes people happy!
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